Funk

Have you ever experienced the symptom of funk? The mysterious feeling that resides within you that leads one to be in an unmotivated low mood. Call it what you will, no other word describes it better to me than funk. This is what I've currently been experiencing, whether it be directed towards school work, or love life (or lack thereof), I've just been in this low mood of unmotivatedness (not that that's a word). I just don't seem to be excited about anything, I'm apathetic and uninterested to do any school work despite up coming deadlines because I always seem to come back to this concept of funk. I've got plenty to look forward to such as St. Patrick's Day, the Rise Against concert on Saturday night, and the Raptors game on Sunday with my mom. Despite all this I still seem to be in a down mood. I'd just rather curl up with a novel or watch my favourite show, sex and the city. Do we all experience this notion of funk? Is it common to feel this way at times? Do people even know what the heck I'm talking about?

Back to Reality

After going away up north to Minden for the weekend, it seems like such a disappointment to be back in the city. I went up to a girl's cottage from phys ed., which ended up being more like a mansion than a cottage. It was absolutely amazing! We had a blast playing in the snow, playing super nintendo, hanging out and playing drinking games. It's too bad a weekend only consists of two days. I think I defintly needed this little getaway to just relax. But now it's back to reality and back to school, work and life.

Life seems to be so unpredictable at the moment, not knowing where I'm living in three months time, not knowing if I'm gettting into school for next year for another two months, not knowing where my lovelife is leading, and not having a job lined up for the summer. I always seem to leave my job hunting until I'm finished with final exams, and it would be nice to have the summer job situation sorted out early for once. The other concerns are much more unpredictable, as to whether I get into teachers college or not. I keep telling myself there's no use stressing about whether I'm going to get in or not, because there's nothing I can do really. I've submitted my application ages ago, and it's just sitting in some pile with thousands of other applications. ack!

Well enough of the procrastination - the art of which I have perfected - I must get to work, and at least get something accomplished. I must be on the lookout for jobs for the summer, and hopefully I'll be able to find something much more enjoyable for myself as compared to what I've done in previous summers.

Does the past foretell the future or can the future not be like the past?

This is one of the questions that seem to be consuming my mind today. Are the way things used to be, always going to be the way things are, or can they simply be the way things were? Is it possible for the future to be like the past in certain aspects but not others? Is it foolish for me to think that the future will hold similar events if it involves the same people that it did in the past? Can things really change if one is willing? If certain things in the past are desirable can they happen once again in the future despite the negative present circumstances? I believe it is hard to forgive and forget if what has happened has been so significant. But when is that border crossable and when isn't it? It is ridiculous for me to be even considering these many questions and letting them overwhelm my mind at 1:30 in the morning. I need to clear my mind and go to sleep. This is all too confusing for me to try to sort out in my head at this time of night. Enough of pondering, to bed I go!

When things get tough, do the tough get going?

When things get tough when is it enough to run from the situation and call it quits or to endure and keep on trying? I may have done something quite foolishly and spontaneously that I may live to regret. I do things in the heat of the moment, and wonder now whether I committed to something to which I shouldn't have. I feel at times persistance isn't enough and that actions speak louder than words. I look at the title of my blog and wonder whether it's me that is playing it safe. Am I trying to play without taking any chances? Am I playing without trying to get hurt? If this is so I'm cheating myself out of a real playing experience. I'm sorry if this comes across as quite vague or cryptic, I've got a lot going on in my head.

And so it begins

And so I begin my first blog entry, thanks to the guidance of a couple good friends. Today is Valentine's day, and I begin to wonder whether this holiday holds any importance to me. There has been so many times that the holiday has come and passed without any concern. Now that I'm in a relationship does this change my perception of the day? Should it mean something more to me? On another hand, is there a point to consume what society tells us that we need to buy for our "Valentine's" today? I've often told myself that Valentine's day is just a "hallmark" holiday, where the company has created a day for another excuse for us to consume. Shouldn't we express our love and feelings for our loved ones on any and every day? Why is this day more special than another? Despite this, I remember being at home alone on Valentine's day and a feeling of loneliness has overwhelmed me. So much importance is put on this day for relationships and love, one is prone to being lonely if there is no one to share it with. And so I continue the day with tentative plans to do something with my boyfriend still uncertain as to how I should feel about the day and what to expect.